On Mariners and Midsummer Dreams

Saw Midsummer Night’s Dream in Griffith Park tonight and was consumed with memories of Shakespeare in Washington Square Park in the 90’s when I was young and ripe and full of promise. Reflected on how much I dreamed then, and how much was ahead of me. Thought of Jy and Amo and all that would be and how Amo as Puck flirted with me and we had a moment. And it’s still there.

Tonight I was consumed with all that has been. And the actors weren’t beautiful or charming or lovely. But I didn’t think tonight about what is ahead. I thought about what was. And at half time I was alone as my son and his friend had wandered off during intermission. But there was a band and they played Heatwave’s “Boogie Nights” and I got up and danced and didn’t hesitate. I am no longer waiting for anything and can truly appreciate the rhetorical question: what am I waiting for? No longer anything. I danced with abandon.

And Rojas got three hits today. He is 29 years old. I hadn’t realized that when he came over in the trade for Sewald. He is not young in baseball years. And he got a slow start after the trade. But he has caught the fever. He no longer waits either. And I was happy for him and excited for the Ms.

Devonia’s birthday is tomorrow. And my father’s Angel birthday is tomorrow. And I think about them both and I think about the stars. And I think about how Richard Rohr says “The God I have met and been loved by in my lifetime is always the god of how much more.” And I yearn to know that kind of love. But I don’t. To me, god inspires me to love. And I think about god and I strive to be kind and I aspire to grow my compassion and empathy. But I don’t feel those things from god. Is god kind and loving to me? How does one experience that such that they know it? I don’t know. What would it be like to know god loves me. I hear people say that. But I don’t know how they know, and why the know and I don’t.

(God comes to you disguised as your life.)

8.23.23